Edwards Day Off
by Adoration of an Enigma
Summary: Okay, Its Edwards day off from the girls but the guys want to make him as miserable as possible. The songs called If You Were Gay by Avenue Q if you want a hint. PLEASE R&R! this might become a chapter fic!
1. Chapter 1

Edward is just having a nice day with the girls gone….. But the guys decide that Edward needs a little….. Music…. In his life. Its in… uh… RP form or script form or whatever you call it cause I didn't know another way to write it. And when its capitalized its when there singing. Well at certain parts. You'll know when.

Lol. I don't know what I'm saying. Just read. Laugh. Enjoy. Review. Laugh some more. And review.

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT OR THE SONG!!!!!!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Edward: Aah, an afternoon alone with my favorite book, "Broadway Musicals of the

1940s." No annoying girls to bother me. How could it get any better than this?

Emmett: Oh, Hi Edward! *walks in the room*

Edward: Hi Emmett. *mumbles through his teeth*

Emmett: Hey Edward, you'll never guess what happened to me on the subway this morning. This guy was smiling at me and talking to me.

Edward: That's very interesting. *said in a very annoyed voice and through his teeth*

Emmett: He was being real friendly, and I think he was coming on to me. I think he might've thought…. I was gay! *Emmett said sitting down next to Edward*

Edward: Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this? Why should I care? I don't care.

What did you have for lunch today? *said really fast*

Emmett: Oh, you don't have to get all defensive about it, Edward….

Edward: I'M NOT GETTING DEFENSIVE! *said really fast and loud*

Edward: *clears his throat* What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?I'm trying to read.

Emmett: Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Edward. I just think it's something we should be able to talk about. I mean brother to brother.

Edward: I don't want to talk about it, Emmett! This conversation is over!!! God!!

Emmett: Yeah, but...

Edward: OVER!!! *Yelling*

Emmett: Well, okay, but just so you know…. *starts singing* IF YOU WERE GAYTHAT'D BE OKAY.I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY,I'D LIKE YOU YOU SEE,IF IT WERE ME,I WOULD FEEL FREETO SAY… THAT I WAS GAY! *then says in a half sing half talk voice* But I'm Not Gay. *winks*

Edward: Emmett, please! I am trying to read. This is my only day off!

Emmett: *stares at him*

Jasper: *stares at him*

Carlisle: *stares at him*

Edward: *looks up* WHAT?!

Jasper: *starts singing* IF YOU QUEER.

Edward: *throws hands above head* Ah, Jasper!

Jasper and Emmett: I'D STILL BE HERE.

Edward: Guys, I'm trying to read this book. *annoyed*

Jasper: YEAR AFTER YEAR. *stretches out the last year*

Edward: Jasper!

Carlisle: *Sings* BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAR TO ME.

Edward: *puts head in hands* Argh!

Jasper and Emmett: AND I KNOW THAT YOU

Edward: What?

Jasper: WOULD EXCEPT ME TO!

Edward: I would?

Jasper: IF I TOLD YOU TODAY, "HEY! GUESS WHAT,I'M GAY!" (BUT I'M NOT GAY.)

Emmett: I'M HAPPY *stretches out happy* JUST BEING WITH YOU. *stretches out you*

Edward: High Button Shoes, Pal Joey...

Emmett: SO WHAT SHOULD IT MATTER TO ME WHAT YOU DO IN BED

WITH GUYS?

Edward: Emmett, that's GROSS! *looks at him with a disgusted expression*

Jasper: No it's not! IF YOU WERE GAY… I'D SHOUT HOORAY!

Edward: I am not listening! *goes back to reading*

Emmett: AND HERE I'D STAY *jumps down on the couch next to him*

Edward: La La La La!

Jasper: BUT I WOULDN'T GET IN YOUR WAY. *Jumps down on the other side of him*

Edward: Aaaah!

Carlisle: YOU CAN COUNT ON ME TO ALWAYS BE BESIDE YOU EVERY DAY,

TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY, YOU WERE JUST BORN THAT WAY, AND, AS THEY SAY, IT'S IN YOUR DNA, YOU'RE GAY! *On knee's before him with his arms spread out singing*

Edward: BUT I'M NOT GAY!

Emmett, Jasper, and Carlisle: If you WERE gay. *said in regular voice*

Edward: Argh!

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

Okay, I'm sorry but I had to write it!!!! The song is If you Were Gay by Avenue Q.

I am having more random moments with funny things so this might be more than 1 chap. Review PLEASE!!!! And please tell me how it was!! Thanks!

~Alpha


	2. It sucks to be the Volturi!

_**Okay I have like 4 reviews already so I decided to do another chapter. Lol. **_

_**The usual. Read. Laugh. Review. Read again and laugh some more! **_

_**Disclaimer: I Don't Own ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!! At All except my imagination.**_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jane: Morning, Marcus! Marcus: Hi, Jane!

Jane: How's life?Marcus: Disappointing!Jane: What's the matter?Marcus: The blood plant company laid me off. *slams a random person into the wall*

Jane: Oh, I'm sorry! *looks at the person smashed into the wall*Marcus: Me too! I mean, look at me! I'm Eight Hundred years out of college, and I always thought -Jane: What?Marcus: No, it sounds : Aww, come on!

_**(**__**A/N: This is where they start singing it all till the end. Just thought to let you know!!!)**_

Marcus: When I was little I thought I would be...Jane: What?

Marcus: A big comedian on late night TV but now I'm eight-hundred thirty-two and as you can see I'm : Nope!Marcus: Oh Well, it sucks to be : Nooo. *whines* Marcus: It sucks to be : No! *whines a little more*Marcus: It sucks to be quiet and evil and turning eight hundred and three. It sucks to be : Oh, you think your life sucks?Marcus: I think : Your problems aren't so bad! I'm very pretty, and pretty damn : You are. *nods along*Jane: Thanks! I like romantic things, Like music and art. And as you know I have a gigantic heart so why don't I have a boyfriend? FUCK! It sucks to be me!Marcus: Me : It sucks to be : It sucks to be Marcus….

Jane: And Jane...Marcus: To not have a job!Jane: To not have a date!

Marcus and Jane: It sucks to be me.

*see's Caius and Aro walk in*Marcus: Hey, Caius, Aro, can you settle something for us? Do you have a second?Caius: Ah, : Whose life sucks more? Marcus's or mine?Caius and Aro: *looks at each other* Ours!Caius: We live : We're as close as people can get. *pulls Caius into an awkward hug*Caius: We've been the best of buddies... *sounds like he's suffocating* Aro: Ever since the day we met. *Lets go of Caius*Caius: So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset. Oh, every day is an : Come on, that's an exaggeration! *gets in Caius's face* Caius: You leave your clothes out. You put your feet on my chair! *hisses the words*Aro: Oh yeah? You do such anal things like ironing your : You make that very small apartment we share a hell. *throws hands up in the air*Aro: So do you. That's why I'm in hell to! *mimics Caius*Caius: It sucks to be me!Aro: No, it sucks to be me!Jane: It sucks to be me!Marcus: It sucks to be me!ALL: Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be? It sucks to be me!Random Japanese Vamp: Why you all so happy? *walks in* Aro: Because our lives suck! Random Japanese Vamp: Your lives suck? I hearing you correctly? Ha! I coming to this country for opportunities. Tried to work in Korean deli but I am Japanese! But with hard work I earn two Master's Degrees In social work! And now I a therapist! But I have no clients and I have an Unemployed fiancé'! And we have lots of bills to pay! It suck to be me! It suck to be me! I say it Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Suck! It suck to be me!

(_**A/N: No offense to any Japanese people.)**_Felix: Excuse me? *walks in; he is human* Marcus: Hey there. *sniffs the air*Felix: Sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a place to live. *looks around*Random Japanese Vamp: Why you looking in here?Felix: Well, I started at The bottom of the city, but so far everything is out of my price range. But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper! Oh, and look - a "For Rent" sign! Marcus: You need to talk to the superintendent. Let me get him. Felix: Great, thanks!Marcus: Yo, Gary!Garry Coleman: I'm comin'! I'm comin'!Felix: Oh my God! It's Gary Coleman! *in an amazed voice*Gary Coleman: Yes I am! I'm Gary Coleman from TV's Different Strokes I made a lotta money that got stolen by my folks! Now I'm broke and I'm the butt of everyone's jokes ,But I'm here -The Superintendent! On Avenue Q -ALL: It sucks to be : You win!ALL: It sucks to be : I feel better now!Gary Coleman: Try having people stopping you to ask you "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?" It gets : It sucks to be you. In Volterra, Italy!

Gary Coleman: Sucks to be me. In Volterra, Italy.

ALL: Sucks to be you! In Volterra, Italy.

ALL: Sucks to be us!

ALL: But not when We're together. We're together here in Volterra, Italy! We live in Volterra, Italy! Our friends do too! 'Til some vamp steps out of line, we live in Volterra, Italy!

Felix: This is real life! *looking around*ALL: We live in Volterra, Italy!Aro: You're gonna love it! *looking VERY hungry*ALL: We live in Volterra, Italy! *all looking VERY hungry*

Gary Coleman: Here's your keys! *hands him some keys*ALL: Welcome to Volterra!

Jane: Think he fell for it? *whispers to them*

ALL: *nod*

Demetri: *looks around* DIBS!!! *runs after Felix before anyone else could react*

Me: And that's how Felix joined the Volturi.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_**Okay, not as good as the first one, but I got bored halfway through it. I NEED IDEA'S if you want me to keep going!!!! Please send me some in reviews!!!! R&R and thanks for reading!!!**_

_**~Alpha**_


End file.
